Raising your young child to be a good, inclusive friend

Empathy is the ability to sense other people's emotions, and to join them in experiencing those emotions without judgment. It’s the foundation of learning to be a good friend and a person who will include those who feel left out for any reason.

Dr. Jeremy Chapman, an SSM Health child psychiatrist, says one of the ways you can help your child develop this very important quality is to model it.

“How we behave and interact with others is foundational in the development of a child. We can never underestimate what they’re observing in us,” says Dr. Chapman. “We need to model the character qualities we want to teach our kids and have conversations about empathy, kindness and what a good friend looks like.”

With a new school year underway, now is a great time to start a conversation about empathy.

“Kids don't necessarily realize they have the ability to make someone feel good or bad. Understanding that is key. You can ask them ‘Do you know that the actions that you take and the words that you say really can impact how this other person is feeling and doing?’ and this is a question that can come up a lot.”

Dr. Chapman also says you can also help kids learn facial expressions and body postures as a way to think about other people’s feelings. He does this with his own kids while reading books.

“We’ll be reading a story together and I’ll say ‘Look at this character’s face. What do you think he’s feeling?’ and that is a great way to build empathy in a young child.”

Finally, Dr. Chapman says there are a lot of great children’s books that are all about loving and accepting people who are different from us. From kids who come from another culture or area of the world or have a physical characteristic that makes them feel insecure, there are a variety of children’s books that cover these types of topics and emphasize what we can learn from people are who different from us. Not only are they beneficial for kids, but they can be powerful reminders for adults too.

Dr. Chapman works at SSM Health Treffert Studios in Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, where empathy is built everyday through collaborative creative projects such as video production, music jam sessions, drama, LEGO, art clubs, and much more. Dr. Chapman is open to exchanging ideas and would love to hear from you. Please email TreffertStudios@ssmhealth.com for more information.