While the holiday season is often a time of celebration, gatherings, and tradition, it can also bring stress, overstimulation, and expectations. For many families, the holidays can be both a joy and a challenge. Inspired by Mellowing, a publication of Dr. Darold Treffert’s, and the Treffert Approach to honoring neurodiversity, we invite you to consider a holiday season focused on simplicity, calm, and connection.
At the heart of the Treffert Approach is the belief that every person experiences the world uniquely, with strengths and perspectives that deserve to be celebrated. Mellowing invites us to recognize and honor these individual differences, especially during a season that’s often characterized by sensory intensity and social obligations. This holiday, consider how a “mellow” approach may create a season that feels inclusive, intentional, and truly meaningful for everyone in the family.
Celebrate shared moments, big and small
One of the simplest ways to find joy during the holidays is to welcome quiet moments. Dr. Treffert often reminded us that life’s richness isn’t always in the big events, but in the stillness between them. This holiday season, focus on creating these kinds of moments that honor each family member’s pace and needs. Small rituals, such as enjoying a quiet breakfast together or reflecting on the day’s highlights before bed, allow for meaningful connection and a break from the holiday rush.
Honor individual preferences through connection over consumption
The Treffert Approach celebrates the unique ways that each person interacts with the world, so consider how holiday traditions can reflect this value. Instead of centering activities on gifts or elaborate events, consider prioritizing shared experiences that align with individual strengths and preferences. Bake cookies for sensory enjoyment, read a favorite holiday story, or take a quiet evening to look at lights together. By focusing on connection rather than consumption, you create a space that celebrates each family member’s unique way of experiencing joy.
Create a sensory-friendly environment
The holidays often bring sensory overload – from loud music and bright lights to bustling gatherings. Dr. Treffert’s work emphasized respecting individual differences, including sensory preferences. Creating a sensory-friendly environment can make the holidays more enjoyable for everyone, particularly neurodivergent family members. Try soft, adjustable lighting, gentle holiday scents, or calming background music. Consider a designated quiet space during gatherings where family members can retreat and recharge.
Let go of perfection in favor of “good enough”
One of the central messages of Mellowing is the importance of letting go of perfectionism. We often feel pressure to create an idealized holiday experience, but Dr. Treffert reminds us that the best moments are usually unplanned, imperfect, and unscripted. This season, release the idea of the “perfect” holiday and embrace a “good enough” approach. It’s OK if not everything goes as planned – the beauty often lies in the unexpected, in the laughter over a “failed” recipe or the joy of a last-minute decision to stay in and relax.
Reflect on the year with gratitude
Dr. Treffert found meaning in looking back on life’s small and large moments alike. This season, consider taking time as a family to reflect on the past year. Encourage each person to share one thing they’re grateful for, one challenge they overcame, or one memory that brought them joy. This practice not only brings families closer but also reminds us that even in the busiest times, there is always room to pause, appreciate, and feel grateful.
Carry the spirit of ‘Mellowing’ beyond the holidays
The Treffert Approach is grounded in the idea that a life of balance, calm, and respect for individuality leads to genuine fulfillment. This holiday, consider how the principles of Mellowing can become part of your family’s year-round mindset. Create small, regular moments for reflection, practice gratitude, and honor each person’s way of engaging with the world. In doing so, you build a foundation of calm and resilience that supports neurodiverse experiences, strengthens family bonds, and nurtures each person’s strengths.
A season of joy, mellowed by love
This holiday season, may we find joy not in doing everything, but in doing what truly matters – with love, intention, and understanding. By embracing a “mellow” holiday inspired by the Treffert Approach, we create a season where each person feels valued, every moment is savored, and the greatest gifts are often the quietest ones.
From all of us at the SSM Health Treffert Center, we wish you a holiday season filled with simplicity, love, and warmth. May this season bring peace, connection, and a gentle reminder that the holiday spirit can be felt in even the simplest of moments.
