In today’s world, social media is an integral part of teenagers’ lives. Whether it’s TikTok, Snapchat, Instagram, or YouTube, we have probably seen our teens glued to their screens, consuming all types of content. As a parent, understanding and navigating this digital landscape alongside your teen is crucial.
The following ideas can be a guide for initiating meaningful conversations with your teens about social media use.
Find the right time
Timing is everything when it comes to discussing sensitive topics like social media. Choose moments when your teen is relaxed and more likely to be receptive. Good opportunities might include:
- Car rides: When you're driving your child to or from activities and have some alone time together.
- Family dinners: When everyone is gathered and can participate in the conversation.
- Downtime at home: When your teen is not preoccupied with other activities.
Avoid starting these conversations during conflicts related to technology or when there is limited time, like right before a scheduled activity.
Start with open-ended questions
Begin the conversation with questions that invite your teen to share their thoughts and feelings. This helps to avoid making the conversation feel like a lecture and instead fosters a two-way dialogue. Here are some examples:
- “I’d like us to talk about how we use technology and social media in our family. What have you noticed in terms of each family member’s use of social media? Who uses what?”
- “How do you decide who or what to follow on social media? Do you think about unfollowing accounts that make you feel uncomfortable?”
- “When does social media (or specific platform you are concerned about) become an issue?”
Focus on privacy and safety
Talk to your teen about the importance of privacy settings and being cautious about sharing personal information online. Ask questions like:
- “Have you reviewed the privacy settings on your social media accounts? Are you comfortable with them?”
- “What would you do if someone you don’t know tries to contact you online?”
Educate your teen about the potential risks of social media, such as cyberbullying and online predators, and assure them that they can come to you with any concerns.
Address the emotional impact
Social media can have both positive and negative effects on mental health. Encourage your teen to reflect on how it makes them feel:
- “What do you enjoy most about using social media? Are there any downsides?”
- “Have you noticed how you feel after spending time on social media? Do you feel better or worse, and why?”
This conversation can help your teen become more aware of their emotional responses and make healthier choices about their social media use.
Transition to discuss boundaries and guidelines
Setting boundaries around social media use is important for maintaining a healthy balance. Work with your teen to create guidelines that everyone in the family can agree on. For example:
- Start by tying in responses to earlier questions: “You have done a great job explaining some of the pros and cons of social media use. As your parent, I’d like us to agree to some healthy boundaries and guidelines regarding social media use inside and outside the house. Let’s get something on paper that works for both you and me.”
- Create an electronic contract: Write down rules together (see examples below) that fit your family’s style of social media use.
- Device-free times: Discuss specific times when phones and other devices should be put away, like during family meals or before bedtime.
- Content that can be watched: Specify shows or types of shows a teen can watch (will you allow nudity or violence?).
- People they can contact: Are they allowed to talk to strangers when they play video games or on snapchat? Or are they required to have a private profile?
- Consequences for abiding by contract/violating contract: Highlight that abiding by a contract or violating a contract comes with consequences, just like in the real world. Explain how this is similar to a job to demonstrate ownership.
- Regular check-ins: Schedule times to review and adjust your social media guidelines contract. This allows for ongoing dialogue and ensures that everyone’s needs are being met.
Encourage your teen to give feedback on how these rules are working for them and be open to adjustments as needed.
Be a role model
Your behavior sets an example for your teen. Show them how to use social media responsibly by modeling good habits yourself:
- Limit your own screen time: Be mindful of when and how often you use your devices around your teen.
- Discuss your media use: Share your own experiences and challenges with balancing technology and family time.
Encourage problem-solving
If your teen faces challenges on social media, work together to find solutions. Encourage them to think critically about how they handle difficult situations, such as encountering inappropriate content or peer pressure.
- “If you ever see something online that makes you uncomfortable, what could you do about it?”
- “Let’s come up with a plan for managing your time on social media so it doesn’t interfere with your sleep or schoolwork.”
Getting started
Talking to your teen about social media doesn’t have to be daunting. By approaching the topic with empathy, openness, and respect, you can guide them toward making informed and responsible choices online. Regular conversations and a willingness to adapt and learn together can help your family navigate the digital world more confidently.
For more detailed conversation starters and guidance, visit the AAP's resource page and check out more of our work at SSM Health Treffert Studios.
