Before an autistic child can self-regulate, we need to co-regulate with our autistic child. Co-regulation is defined as warm and responsive interactions that provide the support, coaching, and modeling that young children need to understand, express, and module their thoughts, feelings and behaviors (Murray et al 2015, 14). Once you are using co-regulation you can move onto self-regulation techniques.
Self-regulation is described as the conscious control of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors (Murray et al 2015, 2). Self-regulation is influenced by external factors in the environment along with internal factors. When children struggle with self-regulation it is often hard for them to process their emotions in a healthy way, sit still, and concentrate. It’s often difficult to participate in learning activities.
5 Ways to Co-regulate with your Autistic Child:
- Create an environment where your child knows that they can trust you and that you will be responsive and consistent in your nurturing care. When you are responsive and consistent, you are teaching your child that their needs matter and that they can trust others as well. They will be taught that relationships with others should feel comfortable and enjoyable.
- Model your ability to self-regulate as well as reinforce when your child engages in appropriate self-regulation strategies. As adults, we need to exercise our own self-regulatory skills to co-regulate with our autistic child. When we feel overwhelmed, angry or burnt out we need healthy ways to manage these strong feelings. When we feel calm we can better support our children.
- Add in visuals to support co-regulation. There are many visual guides that you can purchase online. You can also make your own that can be individualized to meet your child’s needs. You can add an “I feel” and “I need” visuals to support pairing emotions with co-regulation and self-regulation needs as well.;
- Simplify language during times of dysregulation. When autistic children are dysregulated, it is harder for them to access the “thinking skills.” As adults in the situation we need to reduce the number of directions given, speak in a calm quiet voice, and reference the visual supports as needed.
- Directly teach emotions. Identifying emotions can be hard for autistic children. Start teaching emotions through visual references such as line drawings and emojis, talk about how characters feel in movies, as well as real life references. For example, if another child is crying in the grocery store, you can say “They feel sad.” Understanding emotions assists in learning how to self-regulate emotions.
References: Gillespie, L. (2015). It Takes Two: The role of Co-regulation in Building Self-regulation Skills. YC Young Children, 70(3), 94–96.
