SSM Health caregivers in St. Louis recently treated patients who were injured at a local high school where a shooting occurred. That event may have a ripple effect in many communities that are miles away from the tragedy, which saddened many and frightened others. Many children have questions. And so do adults, such as: How do I talk with my child about events like this?
Michelle Schafer, SSM Health Vice President of Behavioral Medicine, says it’s normal to experience a range of emotions even if you didn’t know any of the children or parents immediately affected by the shooting.
“An event like this incredibly sad and incredibly scary,” Schafer says. “Unfortunately, these events are increasing and we do hear about them now more often. We are saddened by the tragedy but we are stunned and extremely afraid when it happens in our own communities. It is natural to believe that such a tragic event would not happen in our school or community. Then when it does, we experience a range of emotions. It is important as parents and guardians to recognize your own questions and emotions and then to expect them from your children. It is ok that they ask questions. It is ok that they discuss their fears. We want to acknowledge where they are and help them make sense of what is going on.”
SSM Health Child Psychiatrist Bhawani Ballamudi, MD, adds that reassurance and making kids feel safe in their own environment is the key. Hearing about the events from a trusted adult is the best way to bolster that sense of safety.
“It’s important to create an open and supportive environment for the kids to ask questions,” says Dr. Ballamudi. “Be patient, as the questions may come back again and again as the kids are making sense of the tragedy in their own realities.”
Be honest when talking with your kids. Try to keep the information simple, factual without excessive emotion or drama.
“Kids react more to the emotion sometimes than to the contents of the conversation,” according to Dr. Ballamudi. “It’s OK to show that you are sad but monitor your own emotional intensity as you speak to your child.”
Here are some other important things to keep in mind when talking to children about tragedies, such as the recent school shooting.
- Keep the explanations developmentally appropriate and age specific. The younger the child, the more generic you need to keep the conversation.
- Acknowledge and validate children’s feelings, emotions and reactions, and let them know it’s normal to have these emotions.
- Kids tend to personalize the experience and worry about their own situation. Let them know that there are a lot of nice people who are there for them to talk to.
- Avoid excess exposure to TV news and media coverage about the shooting. Kids sometimes do not understand if this is repeated coverage or if there has been another incident.
- Remind them of the safety protocols their school follows that would prevent intruders from coming inside.
- If possible, talk about your/their involvement and efforts to make the community a safer place for everyone.
Children are quite resilient, and most will return to their normal activities and personality fairly quickly, but parents should be alert to any signs of anxiety that might suggest that a child or teenager needs more assistance.
“Seek professional help if your child is struggling with sleep problems, is excessively clinging to you, refuses to go to school or has intrusive thoughts or fears about going out in public,” says Dr. Ballamudi.
And, as a parent, don’t overlook your own mental health, Schafer adds. “Make sure that you as an adult are taking care of yourself as well. If you feel triggered by these events, it’s important that you seek the support you need as well.”
SSM Health has resources available to help. If you are concerned about your child’s well-being, first contact your child’s physician. Your child’s physician will be able to determine if another talk with one of our SSM Health specialists, dedicated to helping children through difficult conversations such as these, is appropriate.
Learn more about our available services: ssmhealth.com/behavioral-health
