Tragedies like the workplace shooting in Middleton, Wisc., and the Metro bus shooting on Madison, Wisc.’s east side that prompted school lockdowns often leave entire communities shaken. Family members, neighbors, coworkers and all of us are left with a long list of questions, including how to explain these situations to our children.
SSM Health Dean Medical Group child psychologist Dr. Kathleen Hipke says adult support is key.
“It’s important to create an open and supportive environment for the kids to ask questions,” says Dr. Hipke. “Be patient, as the questions may come back again and again as the kids are making sense of the tragedy in their own realities.”
Dr. Hipke emphasizes the importance of being honest when talking with your kids. Try to keep the information as factual as possible, without excessive emotion or drama. Kids react more to the emotion sometimes than to the contents of the conversation.
“If you aren’t sure where to start, follow your child’s lead,” says Dr. Hipke. “Ask them what they’ve heard and what questions or concerns they have. Answer their questions honestly and factually. Be patient with your child as they work to understand these difficult and scary situations.”
Here is a list of other important things she says you should keep in mind when talking to children about tragedies, such as the recent shootings:
Seek professional help if your child is struggling with sleep problems, is excessively clinging to you, refuses to go to school or has intrusive thoughts or fears about going out in public.
SSM Health has resources available to help. If you are concerned about your child’s well-being, first contact your child’s physician. Your child’s physician will be able to determine if working with one of our SSM Health specialists, dedicated to helping children through difficult conversations such as these, is appropriate.
SSM Health Dean Medical Group child psychologist Dr. Kathleen Hipke says adult support is key.
“It’s important to create an open and supportive environment for the kids to ask questions,” says Dr. Hipke. “Be patient, as the questions may come back again and again as the kids are making sense of the tragedy in their own realities.”
Dr. Hipke emphasizes the importance of being honest when talking with your kids. Try to keep the information as factual as possible, without excessive emotion or drama. Kids react more to the emotion sometimes than to the contents of the conversation.
“If you aren’t sure where to start, follow your child’s lead,” says Dr. Hipke. “Ask them what they’ve heard and what questions or concerns they have. Answer their questions honestly and factually. Be patient with your child as they work to understand these difficult and scary situations.”
Here is a list of other important things she says you should keep in mind when talking to children about tragedies, such as the recent shootings:
- Keep the explanations developmentally appropriate and age specific. The younger the child, the more generic you need to keep the conversation.
- Acknowledge and validate the child’s feelings, emotions and reactions, and let them know it’s normal to have these emotions.
- Kids tend to personalize the experience and worry about their own situation. Direct their attention to the positive adults in their environment such as home and school. Focus on the role of first responders as important helpers when a tragedy occurs.
- Avoid excess exposure to TV news and media coverage. Kids sometimes do not understand if this is repeated coverage or if there has been another incident.
Seek professional help if your child is struggling with sleep problems, is excessively clinging to you, refuses to go to school or has intrusive thoughts or fears about going out in public.
SSM Health has resources available to help. If you are concerned about your child’s well-being, first contact your child’s physician. Your child’s physician will be able to determine if working with one of our SSM Health specialists, dedicated to helping children through difficult conversations such as these, is appropriate.
